reckoning

Maybe I don’t know where to start — but I want to tell you all about it.

The way I’m knee deep in a reckoning that’s sure to change everything.

Do I tell you how I’ve felt listless?

That my disrupted France trip left me feeling more alone than ever?

Do I tell you how I said goodbye to someone I never wanted to?

Or how two days later someone else said the same to me?

Do I tell you how I’ve cried for the past 48 hours?

How I’m sitting in the gorgeous country of Switzerland and I feel like what is the point?

Do I tell you how I woke up today and it felt like the aftermath of a storm?

The kind where you stand in the rubble and all you can do is pick up the pieces worth keeping and get the hell out of there?

Do I tell you that I feel like my heart has been cracked open?

How I am slowly thinking about dreaming again, but I still feel so lost?

Do I tell you that I have this strong urge to delete every single social media app and disappear for a while?

Come back a hotter, happier, more desirable version of myself?

Do I tell you I’m scared that no one would care?

Or that no one would notice my absence?

Do I tell you that I would miss the curious exploration of words and life shared in those moments?

And what if sharing is the whole point?