Wildly unprepared, but she did it anyways

My gosh — I really wish I could bottle up all of my interactions lately. Keep them on my bedside table right there next to Nila’s ashes. So that I could pop the cork every time I needed to hear the cascading symphony of affirmations, encouragement, and love from my favorite humans.

So a few things are kind of funny:

1- Lately everyone’s acting like I’m never coming home from France.
2- Friends are pouring out words of encouragement like an open bar at the ritziest wedding.

How did I get so lucky?

Is it because you all know I’ve been struggling big time over the past few months? Is it truly because you’ve witnessed me living these moments in real time and you can see the transformation? Are we all just suddenly shifting and realizing we want to dream bigger for ourselves?

I’m not sure, maybe it’s a combination of everything — but when I sit across from you over cocktails and mocktails and you say how proud of me you are, how impressed, inspired, excited — I just wish I could have it on tape. So I could go back and listen over and over until I really let myself hear it.

Maybe it’s my ADHD — maybe I’m just overwhelmed in the best way possible — I can never remember all the exact words friends say, but I absolutely will remember how they made me feel.

And you, my friends, have made me feel like I can do anything in the whole wide world.

So many of you have lived with me through the countless seasons of my life. The ups and downs. The dreams, heartbreak, excitement, adventures, depression, creativity, possibilities and more. I can’t help but think that when you share your genuine encouragement and excitement with me that it’s some culmination of seeing these seasons and my journey that has you truly rooting for me.

I may not be the next Emily in Paris, but maybe I can forge a life for myself that continues to inspire you just as much as you’ve inspired me to keep taking leaps of faith.

Honestly, if you want to know, the key to everything I do it’s simple: make a well thought out plan, overthink every detail, toss most of the plan out the window because I don’t want to be restricted, encounter challenges I never considered, never meet the ones that kept me up at night, and just make it up as I go.

There it is, the truth.

I’ve joked for years that one day when I die you can write it on my epitaph, “wildly unprepared, but she did it anyways” because that’s how most of my life feels.

Let’s never forget the time I accidentally wandered into Mt. Rainier National Park with half a bottle of water and no snacks to do a ‘short hike I found on Google’ on my way home from a friends house — it turned into a half day solo adventure that I’ll never forget. So hungry, so thirsty, yet I never felt more free. That’s kind of how it goes in my world.

Say yes, figure it out later.

Which is how I’m about to get on a plane for 2.5 months to a country I know very little about and just see how it goes. Where I settle when I get back? Who knows. I’ll figure it out later.

Long story short: I’ll get there. And I’m so excited to share every little detail with you along the way.

Thank you for being in my corner. For continuing to pour your light and love in my direction, even when I’m not sure I’ve earned that kindness. Everything I am is because enough people have believed in me throughout my life to make me crazy enough to think I can dream this big.

This sounds so cheesy but I’ve been reflecting on this a lot lately.

As a girl who grew up without a ton of support from those closest to me, who still struggles with this on my best days, I’ve been blessed with so many beautiful relationships that stepped in to fill those spaces when I needed it the most.

I can look back on each season of life with so much gratitude for where I’ve been and see the exact relationships that helped carry me through. While there’s been a lot of heavy seasons in my life, I love that I also get to share the joyful ones with you, too.

Okay, if you need me I’m just gonna be dabbing the tears in my eyes and telling you it’s allergies. It’s fine, I’m fine. I just love you so much and wanted you to hear it, that’s all.

Here’s to doing it for the plot even when you have no idea what you’re doing.

Til our next cocktails and mocktails, friends, au revoir. 😘