What does it mean to lead?

As a Capricorn, it’s long been implied that I’m a natural born leader. That I should be championing causes and starting businesses and making all the money.

And while I seriously love brainstorming business ideas, I always have seen myself more as your best friend operational girlie rather than the one who wants to stand at the podium telling you to pick up your torch and follow me.

That doesn’t mean I’m without passion — in fact, I’d argue sometimes my passion is overflowing. You don’t proclaim Taylor Swift’s “The Man” as your anthem without a little righteous passion.

But in this day and age where everyone and their mom is freelancing by creating courses, making informational how-to reels, creating newsletters with weekly tips — I’ve long felt like I didn’t have my own *thing* to share. It really can bum a girl out when all her besties are crushing it in their own lanes and you want to do the same.

For years I’ve felt the subtle pressure that I should have something. Why don’t I? And as a Capricorn no less? Yeesh.

But recently — I can’t remember where — I saw it shared that as a Sagittarius Rising my job is not to lead per se, but to inspire, encourage and motivate. I thought, NOW we’re speaking my language. I’ve let this idea swirl around and it just feels right.

Which makes sense because overall I can resonate with so much of the Sagittarius sign, even when my attitude definitely screams Capricorn. I do have a Ph.D. in Sarcasm afterall.

I got to thinking… for as long as I can remember I’ve been passionate about sharing my beliefs in a way that could encourage others to pursue their own passions — especially in the realm of quitting miserable jobs and taking chances chasing dreams.

This I can do. But I haven’t been. Lately I’ve been playing small in my life. Taking a backseat and just letting the winds of chance dictate where I end up. Well, sort of. I still know what I don’t want and am happy to say no to those things that don’t light me up.

But have I actively pursued my creativity? Have I found ways to fill my cup and share that back? Not so much. I will say I felt I had tapped into this energy a little bit when I started vlogging, but I fell off the rails once I took my cross country trip.

I think there’s a bunch of reasons for the fall off, one feeling like I didn’t have enough to share and one because I started to feel insecure about it. I even cringe to type that. I suddenly had doubts of my abilities, I had a fear of being perceived while creating, and what if everyone I love is rolling their eyes when they’re with me because they think what I’m doing is a bit much? Or worse, someone I don’t even know. Yikes. I haven’t actually experienced this***, but the fear that it could has kept me with my camera in my pocket.

And well, it’s really hard to create if you don’t pick up the camera, brush, pen… whatever tool it may be.

I just needed to learn that the magic was in me all along. I don’t need to become some other version of myself, it’s that true essence that does all the heavy lifting for me.

So here’s to trying again, this time knowing that when I embrace my authentic nature it can encourage others to do the same. Whether it’s with their own creations or trying something that I did.

Either way, I think that’s a good cause to lead.

***Update: since writing this blog post, like most things in life that you state out loud you ask for it to happen— I had an artist at a festival sort of snap at me for taking a video of her art, which I totally get as artists this is a tricky area and I respect her wishes, I responded with “oh sorry, I’m vlogging about the festival but I don’t have to include this” and then she was offering to send me her own content… no ma’am, that’s not how that works. I’d be more likely to let it go if she wasn’t very snotty to my mother who was asking her about her process. So I guess, I have had it happen and I can report to you from the other side and say, it wasn’t that bad. And if this is your fear too, you will absolutely survive the horror. No one will remember this in time — well, she won’t. I probably will, but that doesn’t matter 😉