2025 — it’s messy and i’m swearing a lot 🙃
From the Inbox: These are select letters I’ve sent to my email list — shared here as a slow-growing archive of thoughts, seasons, and transitions. If you would like to receive all future letters, join here.
Hello friend,
I'm going to be blunt – I'm writing this to help me get back into a routine and put order to my chaotic thoughts. These days have all swirled together and everything has been so dang hard and I'm really trying to get back into a flow in between feeling insanely down.
Lately I'm listening to a lot more music and scribbling emo lyrics into my notebooks. My brain just isn't having it with the working and the doing and the planning – but there are things I know I want and need to do.
First of all, I have projects I know I need to finish. I keep telling myself by the end of this month I'm going to have them complete. But my gosh, I just am struggling. It's not even necessarily about just forcing myself to do the things… when those things are creative, I have to be honest, it's just not coming together the way it should. I'm getting frustrated. Which makes it really fucking hard. Pardon my French but it's the way I feel.
I'm trying to give myself grace, but at what point does that run out and I need to just punch myself in the face instead? lol. Violent, yes. But ugh!
Here's a list of thoughts – because maybe a list will help:
WHAT'S IN FOR 2025:
Feeling good in my skin – learning how to do my makeup (I treated myself for my birthday to a whole bunch of stuff that I'm still learning how to use), grabbing staple closet pieces that make me happy to wear (ie; less leggings, girl, puhlease I'm begging you put on real friggen pants), and joining the gym so I can start moving my body again
Mental health – journaling, meditating, going for a stroll not to burn calories but to get some fresh freaking air – just not right now because the feels like temp outside is literally 5*. Miss me with that nonsense.
Business growth – figuring out how to increase income in a way that makes me happy not frustrated. Another priority I have for this year is to get to a place where I can complete client tasks within 48 hours of receiving whatever it is. Not always possible but might help with my overwhelm. The other option is to burn it all to the ground and stowaway on a sailboat and sail out to the ocean never to be seen again. Tempting.
Sharing life – online and in person. I miss my people. I'm really bad at reaching out because I'm always so inward focused. But it doesn't mean I don't want to. I just don't remember until some ungodly hour and then I say I'll check in the next day and then cycle repeats. I also miss making content (vlogs and reels) and want to get back to it, this is on my list of January 2025 projects to complete. So much still to share, will I ever do it? lol – god I hope so. If I don't feel free to punch me in the face – violent, but again, it could help.
Speaking my mind – there's many reasons I usually keep controversial or argumentative thoughts to myself, but I'm so sick and tired of most of humanity (if you're on this email list my guess is you can relate to this too). I'm tired of people saying stupid things that don't even make sense and everyone else just being like ‘YEAH!’ …NO. If you say something stupid, I'm gonna tell you it's stupid. Especially now that Zuck doesn't think we should validate our reality. Within reason, I can't spend all my energy doing this, the pursuit would be relentless – but speaking more freely and pushing back on ridiculous comments? Yeah, I'm ready to be in my villain era.
Stepping into who I'm meant to be – on the above note, I'm ready to embrace my wholeness more authentically. Less filtering depending who I'm talking to. This is who I am and who I'm becoming and it's beautiful to change and evolve and be a human with human layers. If someone doesn't like it, I don't want to hear it. LOL go away, I'm busy messily living my life okay?
WHAT'S OUT FOR 2025:
Caring what other people think because WHO CARES WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. (me. it's me. it's why i need to stop because refer to the “INs for 2025” above)
Feeling less-than because of my weight, this won't happen overnight and I've been working on it forever anyways but I'm really going to keep trying.
Doing things just because I always have – the other day on a whim I deactivated every single thing in my Etsy, even the passive things that don't require me to do any work. It might sound crazy but I'm just over it right now so I'm taking a break so I can decide if I even want to keep my shop anymore. I'm also very seriously considering not sending my monthly downloads anymore. It's become more of a ‘have to’ and because I creatively feel dried up right now, the ideas just aren't flowing.
Not getting enough sleep – there's no excuse for this. I don't know why I stay up late reading every single night and then get mad in the morning that I didn't sleep enough. It's my own dang fault. And it's doing no favors to my health.
Unsubscribing and muting – I'm curating my life. It's mine to do so. And yours is yours to do so with your own life. It's the only way to ensure that what I'm reading/watching/receiving is in alignment with what I truly want. Life is short, friends. We gotta protect our peace.
Anyways, if all else fails I can just keep reading more books instead. I've already read two books this year and it's honestly all I feel like doing because *I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind* and that's fiiiinee.
So I guess this is what 42 is like. Fun times ☺️
HOW ARE YOU? Does any of this resonate for you too or am I just singlely insane? It's fine if that's the answer. I get it.
Ps - I know this is so messy. Thank you for being here, truly.
This email was sent to subscribers on January 8, 2025.
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